Awkward! Talking to Teens About Masturbating

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As a dad, I’ve learned that parenting teens comes with moments that make you pause, reflect, and sometimes laugh hysterically

One topic that was one of the funniest for me but is often swept under the rug is masturbation. It’s not exactly dinner-table conversation for most, but it should be a more normalized conversation, especially delivered by dad. 

I’m writing this post to share my thoughts on approaching this sensitive topic with empathy, openness, and a sense of humor.  Also as a fan of masturbation myself and an advocate for it with my teens, I see it as a better option than teen pregnancy.

Why This Topic Matters

When my boys both started puberty it was obvious. They didn’t seem to ease into it, like some, more like plummeted into it.. Voices started changing, hair started growing in places, and showers started taking way longer than before, however when they were done, they still smelled…. I also found myself having to have talks with them both about body changes, hygeine, girls, and of course…. Masturbation and sex. Thus, bringing about this blog post!

Let’s start with the basics:

Masturbating is a normal, healthy part of human development. For teens, it’s often a way to explore their bodies, understand their feelings, and manage the hormonal terror-ride of puberty. 

Studies suggest that most teens—boys and girls alike—engage in masturbation at some point, DUH!  It’s  a natural step in their journey toward adulthood. And then, it’s even a natural part of adulthood.  

As parents, our job isn’t to judge or shame but to create a safe space where our kids feel understood and supported.

 Ignoring the topic or reacting with discomfort can send the message that something natural, masturbation, is wrong.  This can lead to confusion or guilt for our teens

Breaking the Stigma

Growing up, many of are taught that masturbation is taboo, shrouded in myths or moral judgments. However, I was not raised in this societal norm, but rather by a very open minded father who taught me and my twin brother that masturbating was absolutely normal when done in the your own private space and during the appropriate times. 

Masturbation is a safe way for teens to explore their sexuality without the risks of sexual activity with others, like pregnancy or STIs. It can also reduce stress, promote sleep, and help them learn about their boundaries and preferences.  As a dad, Im leading by example like my own father. With normalizing it, we can help our teens feel less alone and more confident in their bodies.

The Parental Role

So, what’s our role as parents? First, it’s about creating an environment where our teens know they can come to us with questions—about anything. This doesn’t mean we need to have all the answers! We need to avoid being unapproachable. 

It’s also important to recognize that every teen is different. Some may be curious and open to talking, while others might feel embarrassed or private. That’s okay. Our job is to let them know we’re here when they’re ready, without forcing the issue. If your teen seems to be struggling with guilt or confusion, it might be worth gently checking in or providing resources, like age-appropriate books or websites, to help them understand their feelings.

 Tips for Conversations

Talking about masturbation with your teen might feel like walking through a minefield, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are a few tips that have helped me navigate this as a dad:

•  Start with Listening: If your teen brings up questions about his body or sexuality, listen without jumping to conclusions or offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes, they just need to know you’re hearing them.

•  Use Neutral Language: If the topic comes up, use your “caring & friendly but matter-of-fact”  tone. For example, you might say, “It’s totally normal to explore your body as you grow up, and it’s okay to have questions about it. Anytime you need to talk or ask a question- I’m here.”

•  Focus on Health and Respect: Emphasize BUT DO NOT OVER EMPHASIZE that masturbation is a private, personal choice and that respecting their own boundaries (and others’) is key. Over -emphasizing this can make the topic feel uncomfortable or even shameful.

•  Provide Resources: With my boys I used video aids that helped me.  I found them on YouTube, and will post them under “Resources” located under this blogs navigation menu. The videos help because it’s what dad says plus it’s reinforced by a secondary source. If more of a reinforcement is needed or you as the parent need more from a professional standpoint- “It’s Perfectly Normal” by Robie H. Harris is a great, easy to understand book on this topic and I’ll like a PDF copy under “Resources” as well.  

•  Check Your Own Biases: Reflect on your own feelings about the topic. If you feel uncomfortable, that’s okay—it’s normal. But try to approach conversations with openness to avoid passing on any shame.

Conclusion

Being a dad to a teen is a wild ride, and topics like masturbation can catch us off guard. But by approaching it with understanding, we can help our kids navigate this part of growing up with confidence and self-respect. It’s not about having all the answers—it’s about showing up, listening, and letting them know they’re not alone. Let’s keep the lines of communication open, break down the stigma, and support our teens as they figure out who they are. After all, that’s what being a dad is all about